


Special Delivery

by ouroborosnakes



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: (feat. otacon's roommate akiba), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, this is pretty goofy but i like it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:55:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25432726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouroborosnakes/pseuds/ouroborosnakes
Summary: “Snake Plissken as a sexy fireman, huh,” Hal ponders aloud.
Relationships: Otacon/Solid Snake
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Special Delivery

“Hey, Otacon!” A voice calls, fist pounding on his bedroom door. “Can you watch the stove for me?”

“Why can’t you?” He calls back, pausing the video he’d been watching, anyways. “I’m busy.”

“So am I. C’mon man, please.” Not even waiting for an answer, the shadow Hal could see under his door disappears, and with a heaving sigh he stands, brushing off crumbs from breakfast and unlocks his door, slinking out into the hall in an old t-shirt and boxers, a pair of mismatched socks sliding on the carpet. In the kitchen is a pot of water hardly at a boil and an unopened box of pasta. Groaning, he turns the burner higher and opens the box, mumbling under his breath about how lazy his roommate was, when in the background he hears a knock at the door. Casting a look down the hall to see the closed bedroom door, he walks over and peers through the peephole on the front door, surprised to see a firefighter, almost looking slightly bored. He raises his fist to knock again, Hal pulling it open a crack and eyes him, curiously.

“You’re early,” he laughs, arms crossed across his chest. “Nothing’s even happened yet.”

“Oh,” the man says, eyebrows pinching together in momentary confusion. “Do you want me to come back...?” 

“Is it just you?”

“Were you expecting more?”

“Normally, yeah. One guy seems kind of impractical.” Taking a step back and looking at the number attached to the mailbox to the left of the door, his blue eyes flick between the door and Hal, leaning against the frame in his underwear. “Do you have the wrong address or something? I don’t hear any sirens.” 

Quickly fishing his phone out from his pocket, the firefighter clicks his tongue and pockets it.

“I think there’s been some miscommunication.”

“Huh?” Taking a moment to register, Hal processes his roommate asking him to watch a pot of water, a fireman _conveniently_ waiting on the doorstep - and a very handsome one at that - donning a uniform that looks no more realistic than a Halloween store’s pre-packaged one. 

Hal pinches his nose so hard his knuckles turn white, the guy unable to do anything but patiently wait and watch.

“Who invited you here?” Pulling out his phone back out, he presents the email confirmation to Hal, who squints when he reads it, mouthing the words as he does.

“Son of a—” The door slams in his face, then after a few seconds reopens, Hal looking slightly sheepish. “Sorry, that was rude.” 

“No problem.” 

“Wait here.” Closing the door with less abrupt force, he scans over the email himself to confirm this was the right address and the right client. Muffled, he can hear yelling, followed by loud, cackling laughter, the front door being thrown open. A blonde guy with a beanie pulled way too far over his forehead greets him, trying to stifle his laugh but is polite enough to turn away when it does erupt. 

“I’m guessing you’re Akiba?” He nods, waving to invite him in, Hal attempting to stop him from further continuing this mess. 

“Listen, uh…”

“Snake.”

“ _Snake_. I’m sorry for the confusion but I didn’t hire a stripper.” 

“He’s already paid,” Akiba inputs, Hal shooting him an exasperated glare and mouths _why_. “You could at least let him come in.” With a defeated sigh, Hal pulls the door open, ushering Snake inside, then excusing himself to get properly dressed. 

“ _I_ thought he’d like it,” Akiba explains, leaning against the kitchen counter, giving Snake a once over. “He needs to lighten up a little, you know?” Sliding his hat down and putting his hands in his pockets, Snake glances around the apartment. 

“I don’t really appreciate being hired for the sake of a joke,” he starts, Hal interrupting.

“Akiba will pay you for your troubles. Make yourself at home, for the time being, I guess,” and he motions towards the small living space where Snake sits, not actively paying attention to the two roommates arguing. After a moment, Hal returns with two bottles of Coke, taking a seat across from Snake with his hands in his lap.

“So,” the brunette asks, crossing one leg over the other awkwardly, then uncrosses them. “What’s the, uh, gimmick?” Gesturing at Snake, the latter looks down and looks back up, quizzically.

“Fireman.”

“I get that. Is that your typical shtick or do you do other outfits?”

“Depends on the client,” he explains. “But, since it’s typically a surprise, it’s whatever the requester wants _for_ the client.”

“And Akiba requested a _fireman_?” The man in question lingered in the kitchen, obviously eavesdropping while idly stirring noodles. 

“That’s what I was told. Didn’t ask questions. Not the weirdest thing I’ve done.”

“Oh? And what was that?”

“Snake Plissken.” Unable to hold back a laugh, Hal leans forward a bit and squints his eyes, studying Snake’s expression to see he is either completely serious or has a very good poker face.

“Escape from New York or Los Angeles?”

“New York, duh.” Snake cracks a small smile, then unzips the coat to reveal the famous snake tattoo that coils around his stomach and dips beneath his waistband; Hal stares in awe.

“Is that part of the gimmick or something on your own accord?” 

“Little bit of both. Contributes to the nickname.” 

“Snake’s not your real name?” With an eyebrow raised, Snake sits back.

“Of course not.” Reaching into one of his coat pockets, he slips on an eyepatch and reclines with his arms across the back of the sofa.

“That’s the wrong eye.”

“You know your stuff. A lot of people don’t notice.” 

“Was that a test?”

“Maybe,” he says with a smirk. “My left eye is better than my right. Easier this way.”

“You said it depends on your client but I think all in all you’re just Snake Plissken in different cosplays.” 

“Has its perks. People who aren’t as attentive just think it’s hot,” he says with a shrug. “Always nice when someone knows.”

“Snake Plissken as a sexy fireman, huh,” Hal ponders aloud, opening his drink and sipping. “Sorry I'm not a very good host. All we have is Coke.” 

“Don’t worry. Sometimes people don’t even consider offering me anything.”

“Really? God, that sucks.” Drinking from his own bottle, Snake glances around the room. Minimal decorations but clutters of notebooks, DVDs, game systems - definitely strikes him as an apartment of two guys by themselves, presumably both single.

“So, what’s the special occasion?”

“Birthday. It’s tomorrow, actually.”

“If I had known that, I would've done something a little nicer.” Hal snorts. “How old are you turning?”

“25.”

“Then I definitely should’ve.” 

“Oh, please. This is the most exciting thing I’ve had happen in a while, anything else would be beyond embarrassing - no offense.”

“None taken.”

They sit in silence for a moment. 

“I don’t know if I ever caught your name.” Pushing up his glasses, Hal tries to recall if he had or not.

“Hal.” Capping the bottle, Snake sets it down and crosses his ankle over his leg.

“You like movies, right, Hal?” 

“I guess you could say that.”

“Kubrick fan?”

“Sure,” he says after briefly hesitating. 

“2001?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s where my name is from,” suddenly sounding bitter, Hal frowns. “I don’t have any symbolic tattoos or anything.” Uncrossing his leg, Snake inches forward.

“I’ll let you in on a secret not many clients know.” Sticking his hand out, Hal stares, confused. “I’m Dave.” Glancing between his extended hand and the intense, focused way he’s looking at Hal with one eye still hidden under the eyepatch, he shakes, firmly.

“I’m Hal, Dave.”

“That’s a good one.” Sitting back and enjoying a comfortable silence, Snake looks at the clock.

“If you don’t want me to perform, then let me at least take you out.” Hal blinks.

“Excuse me?” 

“Miscommunication aside, your roommate paid me to do something special for your birthday. Cleared the rest of my day, anyways. I know a few bars nearby. Unless you had other plans?"

“Oh, no, I don’t. I was just watching a movie in my room.”

“On your birthday?” 

“It’s _tomorrow_ , mind you, and isn’t going out with a client a little… unconventional?” 

“Well,” he starts, popping his knuckles and sitting up, “you denied my services, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Does that still make you my client? Or just an awkward situation I’m attempting to make into something nice? You’re free to decline and finish your movie.”

Chewing on his bottom lip, Hal thinks it over, eyes mindlessly wandering down Snake’s still exposed chest and to the tattoo across his stomach. 

“Unless,” Snake starts, Hal’s eyes shooting back up to attention, “you’re still interested in services?” 

“I think that’d be too much for one day,” he admits with a nervous laugh, then lolls his head back in thought. “A bar might be nice, though.”

“Sounds good.” Standing, he doesn’t appear to be bothered enough to zip his coat back up, but fishes his keys from his pocket and slips the eyepatch off, blinking a few times to adjust to the light. “I’ll go home and change and pick you up.” 

“I’m not being taken out by a sexy firefighter?” Hal jokes, Snake quirking an eyebrow. 

“Maybe your roommate was right about his choice.” Rolling his eyes, Hal gets up and stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I have clothes that aren’t easily tearable, don’t worry. Unless you’d prefer that?”

“God,” feeling his cheeks heat up, Hal waves his hand to usher Snake out of his apartment, who does so with a hearty laugh. 

“Okay, okay. Will you be ready in an hour?”

“Yeah. I can meet you downstairs.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” With a smile and a nod, Snake leaves, Hal watching him for a moment until he disappears around the bend of the hallway before he closes the door.

“He was nice,” Akiba comments, sitting up on the counter. Turning to shoot daggers at him, Hal points his finger, furiously.

“ _That_ was your idea of a birthday present?”

“Come on, you liked him! You guys got along.”

“It was embarrassing!”

“You’re _still_ going out to get drinks.” Hal huffs, unable to retort to that. “And I thought it was funny, with the boiling water and everything. Good timing, right?”

“Drinks are on _you_ tonight,” he says with finality, snatching Akiba’s wallet from the breakfast bar and going back to his room to shower and make himself a little more presentable to go out for drinks with a stripper for hire who was coincidentally sweet. He wouldn’t admit it, but Akiba had given him one of the best birthday presents Hal’s gotten in years.

**Author's Note:**

> cheesy porno plot premise gone wrong but i turned it into something i think is kinda sweet. thank you for reading!


End file.
